Homesick
by StarWarrior72
Summary: After his surgery to remove the slave detonator from his body, Anakin Skywalker has grown lonely in hospital, and reflects on life. ONESHOT


Anakin forced his eyes open, looking up at the ceiling. He was very glad that they'd finished the surgery, but he wanted to leave the hospital as soon as possible. It reminded him, in a strange, confusing way, of Gardulla's slave quarters. Except that it was sterile. And almost empty. And blindingly white. In an uncanny way, it was starting to make him homesick.

His back hurt. It hurt a _lot_. He reached a hand back to brush against the stiches and shuddered in pain. He had thought himself tough because he could withstand Watto's beatings, but this had been far worse. Watto had always wanted to preserve him, and have him working again as soon as possible, but they had cut right into his back, himself half awake. They hadn't known that, of course. Anakin had a very strong immune system, and it had fought off their sleeping drugs. He had been awake enough to feel everything, but too asleep to cry out.

He realized that he was crying now. He sniffled and tried to push away the tears. The hospital had a sort of gentle thrum to it, he had noticed, and he tried to listen to it to distract himself. It sounded almost like his mother's heartbeat when she hugged him.

"Mom?" he whispered, but the cold, empty room absorbed the sound, "Mom?" he asked again. He knew she wasn't there, of course, but he wanted to break the silence. Around him, the hospital hummed unconcernedly. The lights flickered out.

_Time to sleep,_ Anakin thought absently. Still the hospital hummed.

It was lonely, he thought, curled up on his bed by himself. No one had come to visit him. He hadn't even had a human medic. Only droids came, and they only took blood, checked his vitals, and left again. He wondered what his mother was doing. Was she awake? What time was it back on Tatooine anyway? Did she think about him every night when she was trying to go to sleep? He sure thought about her.

He rolled onto his side, but the blankets grabbed at stiches and he winced.

"Ow," he said, half expecting someone to tell him he was all right, or even just to toughen up.

Only the hospital's cold, hard hum met his ears. It never changed, that hum. It was with him day in and day out, never changing, always steady, reminding him of a heartbeat. Not much of a heartbeat, he thought, cold and mechanical, never quickening with pain for the crying, hurting people in its halls.

"I want my mom," he told the hum. It just thrummed on.

"She'd be here with me, you know," he informed it, "She'd have held my hand when they were taking the detonator out. She wouldn't have left me here alone. She'd stay with me. She'd hug me and tell me I was going to be okay. I want my mom."

The hum continued. Anakin felt lonelier than ever. He wished the hum would respond. Just an extra beat in the space. It would make it a bit more friendly. Looking around his room, Anakin decided that hospitals were not friendly places. They were stark, and cold, and cruel. They didn't care if he was lonely, or if his back hurt in a way he didn't know he could hurt. They didn't care how much he wanted his mom. They didn't care who he was.

"My name is Anakin Skywalker," he said into the darkness, "I'm nine. I built a droid named Threepio, and I'm gonna be a Jedi," he said. He felt a little bit better after having said it, but the darkness still felt dark and uncaring, just as it had at first, so he tried some more, "My mom's name is Shmi Skywalker. She's still Watto's slave, though."

The darkness hadn't responded at all to his attempts to make it feel a little brighter, "I'm gonna be a Jedi," he said again, "And Jedi aren't afraid of anything. I'm going to be a Jedi, and then I'm going to go back and free all the slaves on Tatooine. And Mom's going to be so proud of me."

The hum was unmoved. The darkness was still cold and dark. Anakin huddled up under his blanket. He had, so far, not managed to explain to the droids that he was cold.

"I want my mom," he said again.

A droid wheeled in and took his blood pressure, some blood, and wrote down his vitals. As it turned to leave, Anakin called out, "Hey! Wait! Come back and talk to me."

The droid didn't even pause.

Anakin sat up and wrapped his arms around his knees, "Am I always going to feel this lonely without you, Mom?"

The hospital kept thrumming, and another droid came in, mopping the floors. Anakin didn't bother to ask it to stay and talk. Cleaning droids couldn't talk. It finished, and slid away across the floor.

Anakin sighed. He slipped out of bed and shivered as his feet touched the cold, wet floor. He stumbled over to the 'fresher and pulled the door open. He climbed up on top of the toilet so he could see himself in the mirror.

He looked different. He touched his hair, so short it looked wrong to his eyes. He didn't look like Mom's son, Ani. He looked like someone much older and stricter. He looked into his reflection's eyes, the same bright blue that always looked back at him. He never had looked much like his Mom. She would always show him something small, and say that they were obviously mother and son. Then he would smile a little bit and feel better, and she would hug him tight and kiss his forehead.

He imagined he could see her in the mirror, her arm around his shoulders. He reached towards the mirror and touched where he imagined her cheek was, "I love you, Mom. I miss you."

He wanted to stay and look at where he imagined she was a little longer, but even his imaginary mom was telling him to get down off the slippery, angled seat before he hurt himself.

"I love you, Mom," he said one more time, holding on tight to the sink and dropping to the ground.

He walked back to his bed and lay down on his side, pulling the blankets up.

"I wonder if Jedi get lonely," he said.

He curled up very tightly and tried to sleep. He kept feeling scared though, like he'd left everything behind him. He wished he at least still had his necklace his mom had given him or _something_, but Obi-Wan had explained to him that Jedi didn't keep things like that. He'd put his necklace on Qui-Gon's funeral pyre, and Obi-Wan had said that Qui-Gon would have liked that. Anakin hoped he was right, because he would really have liked to have it.

He wished he at least still looked like he had for his mom. Would she even recognize him if she saw him now? He wasn't sure. She always said she'd know him by his eyes, though. Maybe she would.

"I'd know you, Mom. And I'd scream 'mom!' and then you'd know too."

He closed his eyes, trying to think of everything he knew about his mom. He could hear her voice, singing him a gentle lullaby, and he started to drift off.

Suddenly, the door to his room clicked open, without thinking, he sat up, "Mom?"

"Anakin?"

It was Obi-Wan, and Anakin couldn't help feeling disappointed.

"I'm glad you're still awake, I thought you might have been asleep," Obi-Wan said, running a hand through his hair, which was just long enough to look scruffy.

"I was," Anakin answered, a little bit sharper than he'd meant to. It was just hard, because he'd thought his mom was there.

"How are you feeling?" Obi-Wan asked, dropping down beside Anakin, his cloak slipping from his shoulders.

Anakin pounced on the fallen cloak, wrapping it around himself, and gave the same answer he'd given the Jedi Council what felt like years ago, "Cold."

Obi-Wan laughed and helped Anakin arrange it, "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Why didja come so late?" Anakin asked.

Obi-Wan was busy getting Anakin's blanket out from under them, "It turns out there are a lot of procedures to go through when becoming a knight. Even more for honouring Qui-Gon. I've just finished them, and I wanted to see you. I was afraid you might be starting to feel abandoned."

"I was," Anakin admitted as Obi-Wan arranged the blanket around him.

Obi-Wan smiled at him and hugged him carefully, "I didn't think it would take this long to remove that detonator."

"It wouldn't have, except that my bone grew around it," Anakin said honestly.

"Force, that must have hurt," Obi-Wan said.

Anakin shrugged, wanting to show how brave he could be, "They tried to drug me."

"Tried," Obi-Wan said cautiously, "Tried and failed?"

"Well, yeah," Anakin said.

Obi-Wan looked at his back again, "They did this to you while you were awake?"

"Not completely awake," Anakin said, "Just awake enough to feel it."

Obi-Wan gave Anakin a sound of amazement, "I'm sorry I called you a pathetic life form, Anakin."

Instantly, Anakin was on his guard, "Why'd you say that? Because I'm a slave?"

"Were," Obi-Wan corrected gently, "No, because the last time Qui-Gon had that look, he'd just met Jar Jar."

Anakin laughed, "He can be kinda pathetic, can't he?"

Obi-Wan nodded, leaning back on his arms.

"I'm kinda jealous of him too," Anakin admitted.

"Because he's never been a slave?"

"No," Anakin said. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind, "Because he doesn't really know how useless he can be sometimes. I mean, you said he knows that he's clumsy, but it never seems to upset him."

"I guess he is lucky, in a way," Obi-Wan said, pushing himself up again, "Anyway, I'm famished. Would you like me to get you anything?"

"Yeah!" Anakin said, he hadn't noticed how hungry he'd been getting.

"Something warm?"

"Yes, please."

"Tea?"

Anakin made a face, "No, thank you."

Obi-Wan laughed, "How about some stew?"

"That'd be great," Anakin said.

"I'll be back soon," Obi-Wan promised, "Stay warm."

Anakin nodded, "Yes, Sir."

Obi-Wan left and Anakin curled up under the blankets again. He pulled Obi-Wan's cloak closer to himself and smelled it. It wasn't the same as having something of Mom's, he thought, but it was nice to have something given to him by someone who cared for him.

"I'm lucky," he told the darkness suddenly, "Even if I do get lonely, and even if my back does hurt, and even if I do want my mom. I'm going to be a Jedi, and Obi-Wan's going to be my teacher. It's gonna be great, you know?"

The hum of the hospital continued, but Anakin imagined that it felt a little bit sad, and he felt a bit smug.

He closed his eyes and smiled to himself. Obi-Wan would take good care of him. He just knew he would.

The door opened again and Obi-Wan asked, "Anakin?"

Anakin opened his eyes, "Yeah? You find any food?"

Obi-Wan grinned and passed him a tray with a bowl of stew and some bread, "Not really much of a challenge for a Jedi."

Anakin had forgotten how easy it usually was for people to get food. He wondered for a moment if his mom had eaten.

"You gave her some money, remember? She will have bought herself something," Obi-Wan said.

"How did you know what I was thinking?" Anakin asked, "Did you read my mind?"

"No," Obi-Wan said, "I could tell from the look on your face. Eat something before it gets cold."

Anakin obediently picked up a spoon and began shovelling stew into his mouth. Obi-Wan smiled fondly at him and took a sip of his drink.

"What've you got?" Anakin asked him around a mouthful of stew.

"Tea," Obi-Wan said, showing him, "And a sandwich. Would you like to try some?"

Anakin shook his head, "No."

"All right," Obi-Wan said, "I won't force you. This time."

Anakin smiled, "Thanks for coming to visit me. I was getting really lonely."

Obi-Wan mussed Anakin's hair and smiled, "I was getting a little lonely too, to be honest. You can't help getting used to having your master around."

"Will I feel that way about you, someday?" Anakin asked.

"I hope so."

"Me too," Anakin said.

Obi-Wan smiled, "I'm glad to know I'm going to train you, Anakin."

Anakin smiled at him, "I'm sure it won't last."

"No, it probably won't," Obi-Wan agreed, teasing him gently.

They sat together in a comfortable, friendly silence, each working on their meals. Anakin finished his stew and reached for his drink, which was in a can, similar to ones he'd seen people drinking alcohol out of.

"What is this?" he asked Obi-Wan.

"Something I probably should have thought harder about buying for you at this time of night," Obi-Wan answered, taking it and opening it for him, "Soda. Sugary and bubbly, I thought you'd like it. It's about as far from tea as you can get."

"Oh," Anakin said, taking it and looking at it curiously.

"Go ahead and drink it," Obi-Wan said, "I promise you I didn't poison it."

Anakin cast one more doubtful look in the opening and took a little sip. Obi-Wan was right. He _did_ like it.

"Hey, this _is_ good!" he said.

Obi-Wan laughed, "I hope you didn't think I was so hopeless as to get you something you wouldn't like at all."

Anakin grinned at him, "No."

Anakin started gulping down the soda, and only realized Obi-Wan was finished when his future teacher took the empty can from his hand, smiling. As Obi-Wan put the can on the bedside table, Anakin watched in amazement as his expression changed to one of alarm.

"Force, it's late!" Obi-Wan said, and Anakin followed his gaze to see that he was looking at a clock.

Anakin shrugged, "I don't really mind."

"You should be asleep," Obi-Wan scolded, "You need to heal."

"But if I sleep, you'll be gone when I wake up."

Obi-Wan smiled sadly, "Yes, that's true. But you need your rest, Padawan."

Anakin smiled at the title he had yet to earn, "You're sure you couldn't stay here with me tonight? You don't want to fly at night, do you?"

Obi-Wan stood up and moved to the window, although Anakin didn't know why he bothered. Traffic was always heavy on Coruscant, and nights were no exception.

"It doesn't look like good flying," Anakin said hopefully, "Not unless you podrace."

"Anakin," Obi-Wan said with a hint of scolding.

"I wouldn't want you to get hurt flying home."

"I'm supposed to go back to the Temple, Anakin."

"You can call and let them know where you are. Please don't leave me alone again."

Obi-Wan sighed, and Anakin perked up, "I don't like flying in unsafe conditions."

"So you'll stay?" Anakin asked excitedly.

Obi-Wan looked at him and smiled, "I'll stay. Just tonight, though."

"Yay!" Anakin leapt out of bed and threw himself around Obi-Wan.

"You've been lonely, after all," Obi-Wan said, stroking Anakin's head, "And no one should fly when they're tired."

He knelt down and hugged Anakin, making him yelp.

"Sorry!" Obi-Wan said.

Anakin pulled back, rubbing as close to the offended wound as he could without hurting it more, "It's okay, you didn't mean to. Even Mom's done that to me by accident."

"You called me mom when I came in. You're homesick, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Anakin said, "Have you ever been homesick?"

"I suppose you might call what I felt on my first mission homesickness," Obi-Wan said, "I don't really have a place I've called home," he paused for a moment, "Maybe what I'm feeling now that I've lost Qui-Gon is homesickness."

"Oh," Anakin said, feeling sobered, "I guess it is."

"Don't feel bad," Obi-Wan said, boosting him back into bed, "Death is a part of life. You can't have one without the other."

"I wish you could," Anakin said, "I wish no one ever had to die."

"That's not the way of the Force," Obi-Wan said simply, folding the blankets around Anakin until the cold of the hospital was effectively blocked.

"Do you know any lullabies?" Anakin asked groggily.

Obi-Wan laughed, "I'm tone deaf. You sound like you don't need any help falling asleep, though."

Anakin yawned, and Obi-Wan pulled one last blanket around him.

"Where're you gonna sleep?"

"Don't worry about me. Just go to sleep."

Anakin yawned, and he saw Obi-Wan smile one last time, and heard Obi-Wan's voice once more before he fell asleep, "That's right. Sleep."

As Anakin fell asleep, he found himself in a forest, walking behind Obi-Wan, who was leading him down a long, winding path. He kept trying to convince Obi-Wan to let them go back, saying he was tired, but Obi-Wan would just lead him onwards, ignoring his complaints. He saw a path leading back to the Temple, and begged to be allowed to follow it. He was tired, he wanted to go home. But Obi-Wan held his hand tightly and kept pulling him onwards, and a waterfall came into view just as Obi-Wan's voice said, "Wake up, Anakin, it's time to go home."


End file.
